If you’ve ever wondered why you seem to have a pattern of getting too attached, pushing people away, or struggling with trust in relationships, your attachment style might have something to do with it. Attachment styles are patterns of behavior and emotions that develop in childhood and can impact the way we approach relationships as adults. In this post, we’ll break down the different attachment styles and what they mean for your love life.
- Secure Attachment Style
If you have a secure attachment style, congratulations, you hit the jackpot! People with a secure attachment style have a healthy balance of independence and intimacy in relationships. They’re able to communicate their needs and feelings effectively, and they don’t shy away from vulnerability. They trust their partners and have a positive outlook on relationships in general.
If you have a secure attachment style:
- Keep doing what you’re doing! You’re on the right track to healthy relationships.
- Keep communicating openly and honestly with your partner.
- Be patient and understanding with partners who may have different attachment styles.
- Anxious Attachment Style
Anxious attachment styles often develop when a child’s needs for love and attention were not consistently met. As adults, people with an anxious attachment style crave intimacy and connection, but often feel insecure and clingy in relationships. They might worry that their partner doesn’t love them enough or is going to leave them. They may also have a tendency to play games or test their partner’s love, in an attempt to reassure themselves.
If you have an anxious attachment style:
- Practice self-soothing techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing.
- Communicate your needs and feelings to your partner in a clear and direct manner.
- Avoid playing games or testing your partner’s love.
- Avoidant Attachment Style
Avoidant attachment styles often develop when a child’s caregivers were emotionally unavailable or inconsistent. People with an avoidant attachment style tend to prioritize independence over intimacy, and may struggle with opening up emotionally. They may also have a fear of being smothered or losing their sense of self in a relationship. They may push partners away or sabotage relationships before they get too close.
If you have an avoidant attachment style:
- Challenge yourself to be more vulnerable with your partner.
- Be aware of your tendency to push partners away, and try to be more open to intimacy.
- Remember that it’s okay to rely on others and ask for help.
- Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style
Anxious-avoidant attachment styles, also known as “disorganized” attachment styles, can develop when a child’s caregivers were both a source of comfort and a source of fear. As adults, people with this attachment style can vacillate between craving intimacy and pushing it away. They may be drawn to partners who are emotionally unavailable, or they may find themselves sabotaging relationships when things get too intense.
If you have an anxious-avoidant attachment style:
- Seek therapy to explore the root of your attachment style and work on healing.
- Practice self-compassion and patience with yourself.
- Be mindful of your tendency to vacillate between craving intimacy and pushing it away, and try to find a middle ground.
Attachment styles are an important aspect of relationships, and understanding them can help you create stronger, healthier connections with others. By recognizing your own attachment style and that of your partner, you can work towards building a more fulfilling relationship. Remember, attachment styles are not set in stone and can be changed with time and effort. With practice and patience, you can improve your attachment style and build more meaningful connections with others.
San Francisco-based dating may not always be smooth sailing, but knowing your attachment style and that of your partner can help you navigate the waters of relationships. So take the time to understand yourself and your loved ones, and watch your relationships thrive.
